Week Eighteen

 Hello everyone! This week I've felt the most accomplished and the most defeated at this work than I have before.

So many beautiful experiences that brought me to tears that seemed to immediately be counteracted by a frustrating experience. Its safe to say im quite exhausted after this week. But in the week I did learn a valuable lesson, about the importance of being humble before the Lord and what that truly means. It means quite literally that we do everything we can for him and expect nothing in return. Having faith is knowing we will be rewarded with what he deems best. To want a certain blessing or feel like you should be deserved a certain blessing only distances you from the Lord. We need to become humble. The Lord has it well documented in the scriptures what we need to do to have his spirit, and the Lord is bound when we do what he asks of us. So if were doing "everything we can" and still feel like we deserve more, or we arent feeling the spirit, we need to look at ourselves and find out whats wrong because he is never the problem. This means we need to be humble in seeing how we need to grow and being patient with how the Lord reveals that unto us.

This was going to originally be the focal point of my email but will just be a side note as I continue to rant about saving souls and the absolute idiotic stubborness of man. The gospel is so simple. It really is. It is for everyone. The deepest doctrine scholar and the child. Thats another testament that this is the Lords gospel. Because he wants everyone to have it and they can if they so choose. I talk with so many people a day who just cant see outside of themselves. Cant see all that they can have. Overcomplicate simple principles and have all of these questions that would be answered with the SLIGHTEST speck of faith. Here I am trying to plead my case to these people and beg them to give us 10 minutes to hear about their Lord and savior. A message that he wants to share with them, and I cant get in the door. And if i do there is little to no headway with most of these people. Im the closest i can be to getting on my knees in front of them. Asking please please hear what I have to say it will change your life i promise. There is no faith. There is no hope. There is nothing.

And in the meanwhile we have been so blessed to find two little kids that are 8 and 9 years old. They come to our spanish class every week. We've gotten really close with them and taught them a lesson about their father in heaven. We've taught them how to pray and they do it. We ask them to come to activities and they do it. In our lesson I asked the little boy, what is the your favorite thing in the world! Most important thing to you. I was expecting toys or family or any answer I could tie into an anology about how his father in heaven loves him. He sat and pondered for a second, and then I saw it hit him. He smiles and looks at us and says.

"My heavenly father is the most important thing to me in my life"

Where could any of us go wrong with such faith. And such innocent love. These little CHILDREN get it. They can feel the spirit. They can see the brautiful simplicity of Gods love for them. Its only logical no? You would think so.

Meanwhile we're teaching a member in the ward who has all these questions about the church. Doesnt come anymore, hes exploring other churches. Doesnt buy the Joseph Smith or the book of mormon talk. His wife who is a stout member who loves the missionaries practically begged us to visit him. We came and sat down in their home and started teaching about the restoration. Why we have the book of mormon and its importance. He starts throwing out random verses in the bible to try and catch us off guard or to give us something we cant answer. I asked him, hermano have you ever even read the book of mormon? Or even the bible? He puts his hand out and wags the sides of his hand up and down. I was so disgusted. Who in their right mind can question the very basis of this church or have ANY question for that matter, and not turn to the divine sources we've been given. If you have a question, you should read the entire book of mormon looking for the answer. If you scoff at that do you really want to find an answer? Or are you just okay to sit in doubt? 

People will say its okay to have doubts, its okay to have doubts about the church. No its not. Do we not read to look unto Jesus in every thought? Doubt not fear not? Doubt NOT. Doubt your DOUBTS before you doubt the Lord your GOD. Its not that the church isnt true anymore, its that youre not true to the church. You really think you know better than the lord? Where is your faith! Turn to the lord in your questions! Seek answers! Dont you dare ever doubt the Lord because he has an answer for you if you care enough. 

His wife turns to us in the middle of our conflict and starts explaining how she feels. How she wants to go to the temple. How she wants the spirit and the priesthood in her home. She started sobbing talking about how she wants to be married for eternity. And her husband here wont even put his own thoughts aside enough to check with the Lord. Her plea for help and the things she deserves brought such anguish to my heart. How dare he, how dare ANY MAN. NOT BE WORTHY TO HOLD THE PRIESTHOOD. How dare any father not take his wife to the temple. How dare WE not do everything we can do to be close with God! Oh ye of little faith!! Read the book and you can feel the sorrow in the words of Mormon and Moroni, not even to mention the rest. PLEADING for us to even just have faith. Is that too much to ask? After all we've been given? 

I have people who hear our knocks at the door who jump and hide and send their kids out to tell us that theyre gone. I am here holding all the knowledge that anyone here would ever need to know to return to God, as a set apart disciple of Christ and youre hiding from me? Without the courage enough to just tell me no? And meanwhile we have two little children. Who came to church this sunday after our lesson about their heavenly father and his church. When i saw them walk in i was filled with so much joy and the spirit. Such faith in two little children. They are who will inhertit the kingdom of God. Our new convert gabriel is an amazing example of this. We go through all the lessons of the gospel again after someone is baptized. And to start his first lesson we asked him again, who is God to you?

He proceeds to bear the most beautiful testimony I have ever heard. He described the gospel and the words of God as, "la cosa mas dulce que hay"

"The sweetest thing there is." I again was overcome with the spirit to tears. So happy that someone gets it! Someone realizes! He is pained because his wife doesnt want to hear from us, shes catholic. But he so badly wants to offer her the honey of the gospel that he described and she wont take it.

 

I almost feel as though being a missionary is soley so we can feel a sliver about how our heavenly father and Jesus Christ feel. Like how Abraham was asked to sacrifice isaac, so some man would feel a sliver of the anguish of Heavenly father having to saccrifice his son. When they have done more than EVERYTHING they can do to save us. Given us everything in everyway that they can and there are still people who look away. Who push him out. If any of you, if any one knew, just the BASICS of this gospel, The principals and had a strong enough testimony in them, no one would ever fall away, no trial would ever be too hard. And its okay to not have perfect faith, none of us do. Just never pass up the chance to grow your faith. If for no other reason than to just make your own life easier! Read the book of mormon. Read of its truths and gain a testimony. Read it with an open mind an heart. 

My soul feels like its in anguish. I read Mormon's last words to his people that fell away, and feel a sliver of his true and deep sorrow. How could they forget? How could we forget? Imagine the sorrow of our Heavenly Father. My little pain here is enough to bring me to tears for these people. And look around at everyone on the street and want to shake them and make them understand, because how do they live day to day without the Lord being the focal point. How Do we do it? If the Lord is not the focal point of your day and your life how far are you really from the Lord? Study the words I promise they will bless you. Pray to be strengthened pray to grow. Pray to understand and grow in wisdom. Repent for all of your sins, they've already been paid for!! There is no excuse. ESPECIALLY for the members of this gospel. You are literally the Lords annointed, as the kings of israel of old. Youre the chosen people of the Lord. Share the gospel! We dont think we take the gospel for granted but we do. Even the members here I have to beg and beg to accompany us for one lesson. Step outside of yourself for the Lord.

Im sorry for the rant. I am just overcome right now. And want everyone to know and see things as the Lord does. And the closer i grow to him and step above i see how far we are from the Lord. And how far we ALL have to go. Read the Book of mormon. 

Thanks for all of your love and supporting me! 

-eb

17

 Holaaaaa todos. I need to think of more ways to open my emails.

This was a cool week. We make goals as a district at the beginning of the transfer for all of the mussuonaries in the district combined. And the last two weeks of this transfer we divided up how much each companionship would have to do the next two weeks to hit our goals and, well it was a lot. But we worked hard this week and prayed harder and we beat almost all of our goals by a lot. We found 7 new people this week! I dont know what other missions look like, but here that is really huge. And they all have return dates to learn more. And, we have a baptism date.

I have actually been learning some mayaan. I can have a little conversation in it with the few phrases i know. Most people here know pretty large bits of the language. At least once everyday ill get a crazy shirtless old guy start talking to me in mayaan. And then i respond in english. And then we look eachother funny, and we part ways. So i took it upon myself to learn a bit. You should see their faces when they see the white gringo here start talking in mayaan.

We had a lesson this week where we asked another woman to be baptized. We thought she was progressing great and didnt think we would get a flat out denial. But she seemed quite against it actually. No matter all that we told her, she said her church is closer and she doesnt wanna have to switch. I was so bothered. We couldnt have made things more clear. These people have heard from us and seem to understand that they are not members of the church Jesus Christ, knowing that there is one. I asked her, what are you going to tell God at the end of this life? When you see him again face to face, are you going to tell him the same words? That you knew the truth and didnt care enough about the Lord to choose him over what was convenient? That you were too stubborn to accept the blessings and love he offers you with opem arms? We'll see if the words stick with her. Based on experience, they'll fall on deaf ears. But maybe we can learn a similar lesson by asking ourselves the same question. Whats your excuse for not making the most of your time here youve been given to grow close to the Lord? Is your answer going to suffice when the time comes to tell it to him?

We talk about how the gospel is the light. How Jesus is the light of the world. If its true then why do so many people choose to reside in the dark? Even when knowing there is more to be had in the light? I suppose its like our eyes adjusting to light from darkness. How it burns and you have to get used to it. And sometimes its easier for us to just go back to where the eyes are comfortable. And why, for so many people, when they want to change and start going into the light turn back around and revert to where its comfortable. And honestly, if you keep going with the anology, that once your eyes adjust you know youre not growing any more. And the more you walk the brighter it gets and it hurts. But looking back at where you came you can see how much better off you are being able to see. 

I have almost finished the old testament and its been cool, and weird honestly. It has really made me appreciate the book of mormon. It is so deep. If us, as members of the church, are not currently in the process of reading the book of mormon, you are doing something wrong. If nothing else, read the book of mormon. As ive read it and re read and gone back and read, I think nephi is honestly my favorite book. I believe is the book with the deepest doctrine and knowledge to glean from. It is actually insane. And people can read nephi and just stop. It goes to show that the more you want to learn and the more you grow the book of mormon always has more to offer and teach. The book is alive, like the gospel. Every verse is there by revelation and I hope that you all will read the book of mormon now. 

My spanish is finally, sufficient. I can talk, i lead basically all the lessons, and i can get around everywhere i need to with what i know. Obviously there is still much to learn but i am finally able to be a missionary and not be hindered as of now. It has heen really really nice. Yesterday i gave a 20 minute talk in sacrament with no preperation or even knowing I would give the talk until right before the meeting. Its funny because I still have an obvious american accent, and for some people that doesnt matter at all, they can understand me. But the other half of people cant understand a word i say. There is no inbetween. Luckily my comp understands me and is there to fill in the gaps. 

In my talk I talked about missionary work, but specifically as for the members. Its says in Doctrine and Covenants second 84 I believe, that for those whom the kingdom has been given, from you it must be preached to them. It is our privilege to be blessed with such light and knowledge. There is so many people thay just dont know. And saying this on the pulpit i started to cry, because it truly hurts my heart. So many people dont know they have a heavenly father, dont know he has a plan for them, why they are here, much less that Jesus Christ has his own church on this earth of which he is the head of. Please share the gospel, even in little ways with the people around you. And live in such a way that the spirit can be with you. We only have more blessings in store for us.

I love you all

-eb

Sixteen

 Hola todos

I'm writing this inside of Texas roadhouse actually. It is very nice to have a little taste of home, even if that just means eating a burger and being around other white people. 

This week was a hard working one. The measure of success depends on your definition of such. We are teaching a lot of people right now, and the more I come to know them the more I come to almost feel bad for them. All of these people have been indoctrinated since their birth with a lot of things. They love worshipping the Virgin Mary here. So such traditions and parts of their catholic faith they can't see a religion being one of God without it, funnily enough. It doesn't matter how much sense we make or even if they understand we're from the church of God, it's never enough to make a change. I've born my testimony to so many people begging them to find out for themselves and try to make them understand we are representatives of Jesus Christ himself, and he wants you to be apart of all that we have to offer and I do to. And it all falls on deaf ears. I understand it's what a mission is like, and we put up with it all to find those few people and diamons in the rough. I just can't help but hurt for these people who almost don't have the ability to choose for themselves.

Speaking of diamonds in the rough, I haven't talked about hermana Martha enough to everyone. She was baptized one of my first weeks here, and recently had the opportunity to go to the temple. She baptized her parents and she has been so filled with joy. She's told us dreams of her seeing her mother clothed in white, thanking her for accepting the gospel and doing her work. All because the missionaries were here. She's golden, feeds us as much as she can as frequently and is always giving us new references and trying to convert all her family. It makes it all worth it.

Randomly, we will be on the street and hear and American song. And we were walking on Thursday and passed a random house that had November rain by guns and roses full blast. I made my companion stop and wait for the next 6 minutes. You'd have to present quite the argument to me to convince me that slash isn't the best guitarist of all time. I'm gonna go convert that guy who was playing it so I can come over more.

I've been quite blessed in terms of just being happy, and living in bliss as I've been here. As far as my spiritual growth, I've reached a point where I don't think most missionaries take the opportunity to pass. We can grow close enough to see God face to face if we so desired. Meaning, all of us have quite the road ahead of us. I am doing everything right right now. Naturally thinking, I have no reason to try and do more and to work harder, and to leave a comfort zone where I have the spirit and everything I need and I can live my normal life and serve. But I know there is more to be offered, and God has so much to offer us. The question is are we willing to leave our comfort zone? Are you comfortable with life and your relationship with the lord? Or do you long for more? We're the prophets of old ever satisfied with their blessings and state of homeostasis with God? Or did they try to push their limits everyday. I hope that all of you have the courage to push past where you are. Whether you realize it or not, if you're not growing you are allowing a wall between you and the lord. He will offer us the universe, or are you satisfied with the world?

It's funny but I have read just about all of my material I have here as far as the gospel library can offer me. And I have a lot more i want to learn, I just can't get my hands on the books I want while living in cansahcab Yucatan. So, if any of you are feeling generous, and have any of the books that I'm gonna list, I would love to have them for the next almost two years haha! Even if you've got one of them please reach out and my momma can get it to me. Thank you all for reading and supporting me. Love you all

A marvelous work and Wonder- Legrand Richards

Lectures on faith: Joseph Smith

The first theough fifth thousand years series by Cleon Skousen

Any of the volumes of- Foundations of the millennial kingdom of Christ : Hyrum Andrus

Isaiah Speaks to Modern Times: Cleon Skousen

Days of the Living Christ: Cleon skousen

Mormon Doctrine: Bruce R McConkie

Doctrines of Salvation: Joseph Fielding

All these things sheall give thee experience: Neal a maxwell

(Or any book by maxwell literally)

Gospel Doctrine: Joseph F

The infinite atonement

Christ and the new Covenant: Jeffrey r Holland

Joseph Smith papers

-eb

Week 15

 Week what I believe is 15 is done.

I can't tell if that's some sort of substantial amount of time to kind of be like whoa I've been here for a while already or it's still next to nothing, probably the latter. I suppose if you do the math I'm about a sixth of the way done haha! But I'm not thinking like that. Some days you are just in a bad mood and not anything can really pull you out of feeling alone and discouraged in ways, but all of those experiences are the best ways to show the Lord your faith for him, the day to day.

One day this week was probably the worst one I had in the mission and it was for no reason other than me being impatient and easily irritable. I spent the night with other missionaries who's house was disgusting and they were too and having no choice but to wallow in filth already makes me angry. And by now I just was angry and couldn't let the spirit work in me haha so literally everything ticked me off, we went to go play soccer in the morning for our workout time and all I could think was what a WASTE of time, we could be out looking for souls to save and I'm were doing this! I then did the math for how long a mission would be if we frontloaded all of the work and didn't leave anytime for distractions and still accumulated the same hours of service and teaching a missionary does in two years. If that was the case I'd be gone away from family for less than a year, and I was thinking about how I could bring this come into fruition like how I could get into contact with President Nelson haha. But the more I pondered I realized that everything and every single second I spend here is one in sacrifice for the lord, not just the ones on the streets, especially those moments that I feel like I could be spending in any other way. Sometimes there's no way to get us out of our pit of thinking, we just have to be doing what we know the lord wants us to be doing and lean on that faith, and the Lord wants me here .

The highlight of this week for me was teaching Spanish. We got 3 kids of like age 8 to come to our English class, all of them shy and scared to answer questions. I went about thinking how I would begin teaching Spanish to such young kids, and my comp as well because he's wanting to learn English too haha so it's just me. 

I told them their names in English and how to present themselves. Like, hi, I'm Elizabeth. And then I taught them to say, I am a child of God. And the goal was to get them to be able to say this whole sentence in English. 

Hello, I'm Elizabeth (or their name and I'm a child of God. 

All of them with their broken English and struggling to stumble through the words eventually were able to write it all down and say the sentence. At the end of the class, i told them that it was true, and did they know they had a father all the way in heaven? Such a fact just about blew their little minds. And I told all of them that he loves them. 

I looked one of them in the eyes and said, your Heavenly Father loves you, and he's your dad, and he knows your name. And I pointed right and him. 

This kid especially was really shy, too afraid to say basically anything I asked him to repeat, but after that, he had the biggest smile on his face, and seemingly was filled with the greatest confidence. And everytime I've seen him since interacting with anyone he has the same little confidence. I taught them how to say a simple prayer, and told them that Heavenly Father wants them to talk to him. We'll see if they work up the courage to do so. Such an opportunity warmed my heart, and makes me cry just writing it. Because I could feel the love Heavenly Father had for these little innocent kids, and to think he loves us the same way. I hope we never forget we are children of God, and he loves us perfectly.

During our district council this week I was asked to read the following verses for everyone in Alma 26

36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land. 

37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

I had read these verses many times before, I've read the missionary accounts in Alma numerous times. I had read those exact words before. But for some reason when I read those words out loud this week, I was overcome with the spirit. I began to sob, I could barely finish the words I was reading. The Lord is mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land. That phrase hit my heart, and I felt so much love from our Heavenly Father. It's tough being here sometimes, I feel like a wanderer in a strange land. But he's here. And the last verse is for all of us. He is mindful of ALL people, no matter where they live. He loves YOU. We are all children of him, the Most high God. He is mindful of every situation you are in, and wants to and will help you in every way he's allowed to. I can't imagine how hard it is for him to have to sit back sometimes and let us go through pain and hurt, when he wants to send us a comfort or a feeling of peace but he is restrained. Because it demeans the point of why we're here. Please, for the sake of your father in heaven, look to him in your trials and in everything you do. Because he wants to be there, and he is restrained. Invite him into your life and give him the peace of knowing you know that he is there. Because I can't imagine the pain he feels when his children feel as though he's forgotten them, when he is doing and has done all he can do, and just wants them to grow. And for that to happen he has to be far enough away. He loves us as he loves the children.

I feel like I have so much to tell that is funnker and lighthearted, but I suppose I'll have to wait for later emails as this one is quite long. Thank you everyone that reads these and supports me. Who write back and cheers me on. I feel so loved and blessed. Let us all remember the lord in our lives this week, I hope you all too when you kneel to pray talk to him like he's your father, and allow him to be in this life he has given you, because the only way to make the most of it is to allow him mold us and let him finish the gift he has given of us life! You could probably think of quite the analogy to go along with this, ill think on it. Hes not done making it, you just have to allow him to make more out of it than you ever could and be patient while he does so. Nothing else is of more importance

I love you all!

-eb

Week 14

 What a week! I can easily say this was the hardest working week I have had here, and that is because I determined how much we worked haha! Because I know the area and the people here and my trainer doesn't, but because he knows spanish, we cancel out to a perfect even of helping eachother, planning and growing. Whereas before being a trainee who knew nothing, I felt like a puppy with little to no say on what we did. And if I had a say, I didn't know how to say it haha! So I feel fulfilled and happy 

We worked tirelessly to hit our goals this week of new people, among other goals. Having a goal in mind and working towards it and leanings on the lord was a lesson I learned that I think we all should. Whether we met our goal this week doesn't matter if we did all we could and leaned on the lord, and we did a lot of good work setting up this next week. Many people took a huge step in progressing this week. In much part was due to the high counselor accompanying us for a full day. This guy was a temple president for years, has met with general authorities, and was a gospel doctrine teacher for almost 30 years too. Need less to say, people are more receptive to his authority and his asking for commitments. 

That day in Dzilam de Bravo I has the freshest fish I had ever had. This fish was literally swimmimg in the ocean maybe 3 hours before the time I was eating it, definitely a funny thought especially when I'm not the biggest fish guy, but a perk of being in mexico long enough and adapting to the food palate here is that everything tastes good now haha! Things I would have thought were gross before are the norm and I can enjoy my food, another blessing.

We actually had a few Bible bashers try to convince us we were crazy. The more I learn about the gospel and the Bible, the more I see how blind people are. In the Bible it's prophesies talk about people being blind and deaf to prophesies and teachings and wow is it true. Being knowledgeable in scripture and the gospel also comes in handy because there was never a single point or scripture that they brought up that we couldn't counter with an answer and a logical explanation. One lady fighting us had told us that Peter holds the keys to God's church, and in hearing this, in my head I thought we had her right where she STOOD. I told her that these keys had been restored to Joseph Smith who we were telling her about, and the Priesthood and all these things. The funny thing was her admitting that her church didn't have these keys but somehow she feels justified and an allegiance to believing her catholic faith is the church of God. She said her Bible doesn't talk about a Joseph Smith and even to that we were like, yeah it does, read THIS scripture and she reads a prophesy of Joseph Smith right out of her Bible that she said was different than ours because ours wasn't true. Obviously nothing comes of these discussions, and people will be stuck in their ways, if everyone had logic there would be no prophesies. There wouldn't have to be books of scripture to hold our hands and testify of things over and over again to get it through our skulls, and also, everyone would be a member of the church of God. This church.

I have been losing weight, not for any bad reason, I'm just active and eat when I can, it's how things go here. But the Yucatecan women in my branch who have given themselves the title of my mission mother, have taken it upon themselves to change it because I am what they deem way too skinny. They load my plates with food piled high to try and Fatten me up. The fact of the matter is, here in Yucatan, if you don't have a belly, you're not Yucatecan HAHA. The members here are amazing and so loving, whether or not i become a true yucatecan by the time I go home remains to be seen.

I had a breakthrough in thinking this week that I would like to share. And it is about having faith in all aspects of our lives. And being humble enough to accept where the lord wants us to put our faith in him. I pray for my faith to be strengthened everyday, to come to find out after much pondering and time of not acknowledging this, that there were many things in my own life that I could put my faith in, that I was not. Even if it's one thing that we are worried about, do we not have faith that the lord will help us? You can break it down to such a level to measure your faith by realizing that if anything in your life worries you, If any trial hurts you, or you are worried about how some things will play out in your life and can't let go of wanting to control it, you don't have enough faith. Not at all to act as though I am anywhere near such a level, no one can achieve such a perfect faith. The fact of the matter is that if we are humble and moldable enough, we will realize everything that happens, and will happen, is completely in the Lord's hand, and is the best for us. He knows best, he knows how you need to grow, and every trial and everything you ever go through was tailor made to teach you something. Being true disciples of the lord is increasing this faith, and seeing the grass for the trees. Seeing the bigger perspective, and knowing with a fulness of heart every feeling and trial is temporary, and is for your bettering. I hope some of you can apply this into your own lives.

I am so blessed, I'm in one of the most beautiful places in the world teaching the word of God, growing everyday. The sunsets here have been so beautiful, that I had the thought that God is always happy here haha. Because he paints the sky so beautifully every night. I miss you all and hope you all have a great week.

Elder B