Hello everyone! This week I've felt the most accomplished and the most defeated at this work than I have before.
So many beautiful experiences that brought me to tears that seemed to immediately be counteracted by a frustrating experience. Its safe to say im quite exhausted after this week. But in the week I did learn a valuable lesson, about the importance of being humble before the Lord and what that truly means. It means quite literally that we do everything we can for him and expect nothing in return. Having faith is knowing we will be rewarded with what he deems best. To want a certain blessing or feel like you should be deserved a certain blessing only distances you from the Lord. We need to become humble. The Lord has it well documented in the scriptures what we need to do to have his spirit, and the Lord is bound when we do what he asks of us. So if were doing "everything we can" and still feel like we deserve more, or we arent feeling the spirit, we need to look at ourselves and find out whats wrong because he is never the problem. This means we need to be humble in seeing how we need to grow and being patient with how the Lord reveals that unto us.
This was going to originally be the focal point of my email but will just be a side note as I continue to rant about saving souls and the absolute idiotic stubborness of man. The gospel is so simple. It really is. It is for everyone. The deepest doctrine scholar and the child. Thats another testament that this is the Lords gospel. Because he wants everyone to have it and they can if they so choose. I talk with so many people a day who just cant see outside of themselves. Cant see all that they can have. Overcomplicate simple principles and have all of these questions that would be answered with the SLIGHTEST speck of faith. Here I am trying to plead my case to these people and beg them to give us 10 minutes to hear about their Lord and savior. A message that he wants to share with them, and I cant get in the door. And if i do there is little to no headway with most of these people. Im the closest i can be to getting on my knees in front of them. Asking please please hear what I have to say it will change your life i promise. There is no faith. There is no hope. There is nothing.
And in the meanwhile we have been so blessed to find two little kids that are 8 and 9 years old. They come to our spanish class every week. We've gotten really close with them and taught them a lesson about their father in heaven. We've taught them how to pray and they do it. We ask them to come to activities and they do it. In our lesson I asked the little boy, what is the your favorite thing in the world! Most important thing to you. I was expecting toys or family or any answer I could tie into an anology about how his father in heaven loves him. He sat and pondered for a second, and then I saw it hit him. He smiles and looks at us and says.
"My heavenly father is the most important thing to me in my life"
Where could any of us go wrong with such faith. And such innocent love. These little CHILDREN get it. They can feel the spirit. They can see the brautiful simplicity of Gods love for them. Its only logical no? You would think so.
Meanwhile we're teaching a member in the ward who has all these questions about the church. Doesnt come anymore, hes exploring other churches. Doesnt buy the Joseph Smith or the book of mormon talk. His wife who is a stout member who loves the missionaries practically begged us to visit him. We came and sat down in their home and started teaching about the restoration. Why we have the book of mormon and its importance. He starts throwing out random verses in the bible to try and catch us off guard or to give us something we cant answer. I asked him, hermano have you ever even read the book of mormon? Or even the bible? He puts his hand out and wags the sides of his hand up and down. I was so disgusted. Who in their right mind can question the very basis of this church or have ANY question for that matter, and not turn to the divine sources we've been given. If you have a question, you should read the entire book of mormon looking for the answer. If you scoff at that do you really want to find an answer? Or are you just okay to sit in doubt?
People will say its okay to have doubts, its okay to have doubts about the church. No its not. Do we not read to look unto Jesus in every thought? Doubt not fear not? Doubt NOT. Doubt your DOUBTS before you doubt the Lord your GOD. Its not that the church isnt true anymore, its that youre not true to the church. You really think you know better than the lord? Where is your faith! Turn to the lord in your questions! Seek answers! Dont you dare ever doubt the Lord because he has an answer for you if you care enough.
His wife turns to us in the middle of our conflict and starts explaining how she feels. How she wants to go to the temple. How she wants the spirit and the priesthood in her home. She started sobbing talking about how she wants to be married for eternity. And her husband here wont even put his own thoughts aside enough to check with the Lord. Her plea for help and the things she deserves brought such anguish to my heart. How dare he, how dare ANY MAN. NOT BE WORTHY TO HOLD THE PRIESTHOOD. How dare any father not take his wife to the temple. How dare WE not do everything we can do to be close with God! Oh ye of little faith!! Read the book and you can feel the sorrow in the words of Mormon and Moroni, not even to mention the rest. PLEADING for us to even just have faith. Is that too much to ask? After all we've been given?
I have people who hear our knocks at the door who jump and hide and send their kids out to tell us that theyre gone. I am here holding all the knowledge that anyone here would ever need to know to return to God, as a set apart disciple of Christ and youre hiding from me? Without the courage enough to just tell me no? And meanwhile we have two little children. Who came to church this sunday after our lesson about their heavenly father and his church. When i saw them walk in i was filled with so much joy and the spirit. Such faith in two little children. They are who will inhertit the kingdom of God. Our new convert gabriel is an amazing example of this. We go through all the lessons of the gospel again after someone is baptized. And to start his first lesson we asked him again, who is God to you?
He proceeds to bear the most beautiful testimony I have ever heard. He described the gospel and the words of God as, "la cosa mas dulce que hay"
"The sweetest thing there is." I again was overcome with the spirit to tears. So happy that someone gets it! Someone realizes! He is pained because his wife doesnt want to hear from us, shes catholic. But he so badly wants to offer her the honey of the gospel that he described and she wont take it.
I almost feel as though being a missionary is soley so we can feel a sliver about how our heavenly father and Jesus Christ feel. Like how Abraham was asked to sacrifice isaac, so some man would feel a sliver of the anguish of Heavenly father having to saccrifice his son. When they have done more than EVERYTHING they can do to save us. Given us everything in everyway that they can and there are still people who look away. Who push him out. If any of you, if any one knew, just the BASICS of this gospel, The principals and had a strong enough testimony in them, no one would ever fall away, no trial would ever be too hard. And its okay to not have perfect faith, none of us do. Just never pass up the chance to grow your faith. If for no other reason than to just make your own life easier! Read the book of mormon. Read of its truths and gain a testimony. Read it with an open mind an heart.
My soul feels like its in anguish. I read Mormon's last words to his people that fell away, and feel a sliver of his true and deep sorrow. How could they forget? How could we forget? Imagine the sorrow of our Heavenly Father. My little pain here is enough to bring me to tears for these people. And look around at everyone on the street and want to shake them and make them understand, because how do they live day to day without the Lord being the focal point. How Do we do it? If the Lord is not the focal point of your day and your life how far are you really from the Lord? Study the words I promise they will bless you. Pray to be strengthened pray to grow. Pray to understand and grow in wisdom. Repent for all of your sins, they've already been paid for!! There is no excuse. ESPECIALLY for the members of this gospel. You are literally the Lords annointed, as the kings of israel of old. Youre the chosen people of the Lord. Share the gospel! We dont think we take the gospel for granted but we do. Even the members here I have to beg and beg to accompany us for one lesson. Step outside of yourself for the Lord.
Im sorry for the rant. I am just overcome right now. And want everyone to know and see things as the Lord does. And the closer i grow to him and step above i see how far we are from the Lord. And how far we ALL have to go. Read the Book of mormon.
Thanks for all of your love and supporting me!
-eb
