Veinte Seis

 Hola from Yucatannn

Ill keep this weeks update short haha. This week was great! As far as missionary numbers go, we had a very successful week and Im learning so much everyday especially getting the reps in with spanish.

Im quite blessed as a trainer, i got a humble and moldable missionary ready to learn. I am so glad i didnt get someone like how i was when i got here haha! Stubborn, didnt like the authority, arrogant, the mission sure changes people! Im sure at some point i will recieve my share of karma, but for now the Lord has given me someone to help and is willing and he has learned so much spanish in just a week. My man gives a killer prayer and testimony every lesson.

We put and rescheduled a total of 5 people for baptism this coming month this week! So fingers crossed we can get those to pull through.

I cant help but have to share something that happened a lot this week jaja. I have been getting good at asking questions that lead the investigator to admitting simple gospel truths, such as, God has one church. And they tell me it only makes sense no? And then ill be like yeah and guess what! We are representatives of this church and your father in heaven sent us here so you could know it! And you can see them start getting excited and then we go off about something else for a few minutes and its like they go back to default programming. Ill make a mention about how this is Gods only true church on the earth and the only church of God and then they will be like, well God is in all the churches. GRR

I feel all of your prayers and support and I thank you all for it. I hope you guys know for yourselves this us Gods only true church with his authority and power to act in his name, and a great and marvelous work, is in the works. Dont ever take it for granted and dont waste a second not learned more about the gospel and letting its principles affect your life and how you live it. We are nothing without it, and our finite minds cant comprehend the things of God, lest we keep the commandments and learn the gospel precept upon precept, here a little and there a little. It is why God lengthened our lives for this probational period. We have the time to take slow steps but we dont have the time to stop stepping. I promise all of you the gospel answers every question and doubt, and through true faith and humility we can have any answer we desire. Dont stop until you see the face of God, better start walking no?

-eb

25 weeks

 Already another week down! But this one was quite eventful, im training now! My new comp's name is elder rogers and he's from atlanta georgia. He Knows 0 spanish haha!! But thats awesome for me because I can actually teach and i know exactly how he feels. Some people come in from the CCM with a usable amount of spanish knowledge, elder rogers and I did not. 

I have experienced the gift of tongues on like a whole other level this last week! My last comp was a spanish genius after a year in the mission, and he had such a good relationship with the members it was easy to just kinda sit back and not be pushed, and suddenly im doing all the talking and understanding perfectly! Even last week understanding everything would be a struggle at times but the second elder Parker left and i was on my own I had no more problem at all like i can speak and joke and listen and conversate perfectly, or sufficiently i should say. I have grown to appreciate the Lord on a even higher level this week as i have been able to look back on my growth and how i always was where he needed me to be even if that meant struggling with spanish for months. And now he is just like, okay you can know spanish now. I feel as though i have learned NOTHING on my own accord haha! Only when the Lord saw it fit to bless me in that way.

I used to sit on this side of my trainers lessons and say nothing and not be able to understand nothing sitting on a dirty chair in a dirt floor house and think, this my life. All i couldnt wait to do was at least get to a point where I could be the one sharing the gospel, and share a whole lesson by myself and teach with the passion and power the retoration and the gospel deserves, and somehow be able to articulate it in a foreign language and ask questions and keep people engaged. And every lesson we have taught this week has been completely me haha! And i finally got my wish, and i am able to bring and use the spirit and make people feel something in these lessons, and even just be able to conversate efficiently to get in their door to teach a lesson. I taught the restoration 4 times last night to all new people! It warms my heart looking back and being patient with the Lords timing. To be fair, i had no choice but to do so. But how grateful i am for that now, and i hope we are all sufficiently patient in the Lords timing because everything comes in its own time and when you need it.

Im almost done reading the first volume of saints and man has my testimony grown of our dear prophet Joseph Smith. If you dont know Joseph Smith, you dont know our church really, and consequently you dont Jesus. One of the most long suffering, patient, and Christlike men that ever lived. Do we know why? Because the Lord prepared him to be so, and he was patient in the Lords timing even after years and years of trials and unexplainable hardship. I listened to a talk called, "the prophet and his plates" by Brad Wilcox this week and i was moved to tears. I want so so badly for every single one of you to listen to it but i know that probably wont happen. But if i can persuade a few who ACTUALLY do then ill be happy. If we have questions about Joseph Smith, or the Plates, or our testimony isnt strong in any of those topics it is our duty to strengthen such things. It is either true or its not, and its true. So if you think its not then by default, you are wrong. Which personally would really bug me to hear if i didnt know of its truth! So you might as well strengthen your testimony of such truths. I started saying this to the people we have been teaching. All of these things are either true, or they are not. If theyre true you better do something about it right? Because if you settle for not true, and youre wrong, whos side are you on in the end? Logically for your OWN sake you should pray to find out if these things are true just for the 50 percent chance that im telling the truth! The same is applicable for all principles of the gospel.

I read in Helaman this week, 

49: And there were about three hundred souls who saw and heard these things; and they were bidden to go forth and marvel not, neither should they doubt.

50: And it came to pass that they did go forth, and did minister unto the people, declaring throughout all the regions round about all the things which they had heard and seen, insomuch that the more part of the Lamanites were convinced of them, because of the greatness of the evidences which they had received

Neither should they doubt. Doubt not. They had had this amazing beautiful experience with the spirit and were born again, and their commandment was to doubt not. We could read that and say, yeah when i see an angel i won't doubt. But we know such things dont build our faith! The simpleness of the holy ghost in your heart is more of a rock of testimony than seeing all the hosts of angels in the sky. Why should we doubt the holy ghost? Why should we doubt what we have been given and know deep within our hearts to be true? Why doubt the Book of Mormon and the spiritual experiences youve had? If you have felt the spirit, it is from God, if it is from God, it is true, if its true, all of it is true. Talk about plainness of words! I invite all of you to continue to strengthen your testimony. If you doubt it's okay, there is always a way back. But i wouldnt try my chances playing on a railroad track for longer than I had to haha!

I found it interesting as i finished Alma, that the worst of the wars were all caused by Nephite descenters. Those who had a knowledge and grew up with such a blessing and denied it, and because they did satan had an even tighter grasp on their hearts and they became more wicked than ever, and were the worst problem for the church and the righteous! Be weary of the descenters we have in our day! They are satans most decieving tool, hold fast to the iron rod. Dont lightly touch it dont walk beside it dont let go when its convenient and grab back on again! Hold fast! And doubt not and fear not because there is no other way! Do we realize this gospel is our only ticket to salvation? Why risk such a thing?

I need to end this but i have too many thoughts. I explained the difference in heavenly kingdoms to a woman this week, and where we each go. She had the most questions about the difference between celestial and terrestial, she seemed bothered because of how i explained it and she obviously had reservations. She had questions such as, what if you just tell the missionaries no one time, is that rejecting the gospel in this life and thus you cant go to heaven? I answered all questions with the underlying fact that God is just, and everyone will agree in the last day. But i have heard a few ways to describe the difference in glories. I usually describe it as those who accept the gospel in this life, get to go to celestial.

Those who reject in this life and accept in the next would go to terrestial.

And those who dont accept in both will go to telestial.

Many a times too, i hear people describe celestial for those who kept the commandments go to celestial.

Those who kept most go to terrestial.

And the bad people go to telestial.

Immediately we might think there is a different standard between these two explanations, but the more i think about it the more i disagree. The discrepency would be the difference between those who rejected the gospel in this life, and those who just kept some of the commandments both going to the terrestial kingdom. I think that is a very accurate description of the same thing. If we dont keep all the commandments, did we accept the gospel in this life? Its not as easy as putting your name in the books as a member. If you didnt care enough to do it all did you accept it? 

I told this woman i felt there was a reason why there is a difference between celestial and terrestial, a fair one. Because those of the terrestial world could have been members, kept most of the commandments, been good people. So why dont they get celestial glory? Well, i believe heaven, and a house next to the savior's for eternity, is saved for those special few. Who really accepted the gospel in its fulness. Do you accept the gospel?

I love this church, this gospel, and my God!

-elder bastian

Six months

 Holaaaa otra vez!

Time has become the weirdest thing in the world to me recently, I dont know how to comprehend or think of it haha! One day this week I told my comp that I had been in thay day longer than the mission, and he fell over laughing so hard. But now here i am again on monday! We got 3 days until i start my fifth transfer! That'll be 6 months down which was so fast, but on the other hand, it feels like I have been in this mission for my whole entire life. 

Missionary wise, we had a terrible week last week haha! We worked all day everyday, and we did not find one person. Not a single. The one guy we did find told us before the end of the week he never wanted us to come back. Noice.

But it has taught me a lot of patience. Im not here for me, I am under the Lords will. If he wants me to baptizd 1000 people or 10 that is up to him, and i have eliminated myself as a variable doing everything that i possibly can to be what he needs me to be. Its a refreshing feeling :) And this week was a lot better and we had some special lessons!

I need to rant about the Book of Mormon for a minute because my mind has been blown. I finally started reading it again last week and I cant describe the beauty of its words. I waited to start it again until i finished the old testament so I have been waiiiiiiting and waiting and halfway through this last week i started and i got to mosiah in a matter of like 4 days. Its all so good, Not a single one of us can comprehend the importance of the book of mormon. Its beautiful simplicity and its straightfowardness. After having read through the old testament prophesies for so long i have so come to appreciate and, delight in the plainness, of the Book of Mormon.

Also, Nephi is my favorite book of mormon prophet and book. Hands down no questions asked. First and second nephi are the deepest books in the book of mormon. I would almost say you can learn almost as much in those two books than you can anywhere else in the entire book mormon. I read second nephi 25 this last week and as i read the words i was so overcome with gratefulness and emotion. I had to pray and thank our heavenly father for the words we are given to read in our days, and the dedication and love of these godly men. I would challenge you all to read that chapter. There is a reason nephi is the first two books in the book of mormon. They are the most important and need the most attention and studying and pondering. I truly felt like i was feasting on the words.

One of the most interesting thing here on the mission is seeing people's different reactions to the things we say. You can tell who has an open heart and who is receptive to the spirit immediately. For example, I frequently at the end of our first lesson with somebody (or even in introduction) that we are messengers from God, and you need to listen to us. And some peoples eyes will widen and usher us in or lean forward in their chairs, and some people just say, yes of course you are. But dont listen haha! But i suppose im not in a place to judge, ive thought about if i was in one of their shoes and didnt know about the gospel and two young men knocked at my door telling me they are messengers from God, would i take them seriously? 

But the more i thought about it the more i realized that we have those opportunities even as people who have been blessed with the knowledge of the gospel. But more is on the line for us haha! Do we listen to the prophet when he speaks? When he tells us to do our duty in gathering israel and read the scriptures and repent and become more Christlike do we take it to heart? Do we listen to ancient prophets and their teachings, or do we even really know what they say? Its one thing to say it all in theory, of course we do! But i think as of recently, the Lord is teaching me that there is always more that i can do if i want to reach the goals that i desire. Even on a mission it is so easy to become complacent and think as though im doing everything i can do and to just expect blessings and what i want, but the Lord has never worked like that. 

I believe the most beneficial thing i have learned from the scriptures is more about the character of God. And knowing such, when we have questions about why things are rhe way they are, we can realize for ourselves why when we know how he works and loves us. And everything begins to make more sense. I have had a cool experience in learning all of this first hand. I have learned the holy ghost speaks almost as wave lengths of information. Theyre just floating above your head, and they increase in density, frequency and knowledge as you go higher. The wavelength on which you reside determines what makes sense to you, and the higher you go, the more is spoken to you. Consequently, some things about the gospel and the interworkings of the holy spirit, you just come to know. They are just made known to you and make sense because you are on that level and you can decipher the messages of the level you are on. 

Obviously it is easy to want to grow and made things obvious and make more sense bit are we willing to work and climb that ladder? Do you do your responsibility as a member of the church and the tribe of ephraim in sharing the gospel? Or are you having your cake and eating it too? Do you go to the temple and read your scriptures? Do you teach your family the truths and bottom lines of the gospel? Ive also come to learn receptivity, does not change the truth. Do you fulfill church calling and minister to others? This is what is expected of us whether or not we recieve blessings, but of course because we have a perfectly loving heavenly father who loves effort, he richly blesses our lives anyway. I hope we are all doing what we need to be doing. 

I love you all and thank you for your support and messages and love! This is Jesus Christ's gospel. 

- elder b

23

(This is a stovetop cookie)

22 weeks

Helloooo everyone, sorry last week got packed! I put too much thought into my emails so I couldnt just bring myself to send one in the last 30 minutes of the day. Especially since there has been so much that has happened!

Recap:

We had an investigator get baptized, and soon after be hospitalized and die before we could give him the gift of the holy ghost. We were devastated, we but it has turned out to be a beautiful blessing in disguise. His wife and 3 kids have started to come to church and were going to ask them to baptism this week. Though it has been so hard for them they have been so strong, and my testimony on the plan of salvation has increased so much, and as a result of a million deep questions about the spirit world I have been blessed to take the time to do an extensive study and learn so much. How beautiful is the grace of God! That everyone gets a chance to hear the gospel. The spirit world is an extension of our second estate here. The work is far from done, and it wont be until the second coming. A true understanding of this doctrine would save any tear over a lost one. And now his wife and kids are going to be able to go to the temple to finish his work. The Lord gave him just enough to be able to plant the seed for his family and give them a beautiful experience and save a whole family.

I am often taken aback by the Lord and his abundance if tender mercies and his love. The more I try to contemplate the complexity of it, and this life, the more frustrated i get haha! I can feel my darn head hitting the veil and i want so badly to just understand it all! I look at the large clouds and the sky and the moon and the stars, and then all the people hustling and bustling around and not knowing why they are here and i just cant grasp it haha! It has led to a lot of deep thoughts on why we are where we were, the life before and the significance of the blessing of the gospel in our lives. We cant comprehend it. The gospel is our only lifeline back to salvation and living in the presence of God for eternity, do we really understand that? Do we even comprehend we are speaking to an eternal loving being lightyears away from us before everytime we start to eat? Is God just this peaceful idea for you in your head or is he a person?

I read a few verses this week in my study of Isaiah this week and it was a song Israel sings for the Lord when he comes. They exclaim we waited for you we waited for you! We knew you would come! It touched my heart, and made me think if we are really waiting for the Lord? Or is he that figment of imagination we lean on when we need stabling. Or are we waiting for the day when he finally comes? Or are we even apprehensive for the day when he will come or what that means for us. If it is the latter then we simply do not understand the prophesies and promises given to us. I have realized that to really realize who God is, and the magnitude of why we are here and to reap the blessings, we need to read the dang scriptures! And hang on every word!

Now knowing the book of Isaiah like the back of my hand, it has almost been a curse haha! Because I speak to so many bible worshipers that dont read the bible that like to call me blasphemist haha! And i instinctively reach for my bible to stop them in their tracks and then i have to stop myself. Because i have learned the spirit does the teaching, not the logic. But it just pains me because there are so many unlearned proud people that i wish i could do something about it. I come up to them and i almost recognize them. Im like, do i know you? I think i've read about you before.

But it has truly helped me to appreciate the beloved holy ghost. We had two lessons this week, where it was quiet, the people listened, they had open minds and hearts, and us missionaries were finally able to use some of the power we hold in the Holy ghost! Explaining the restoration of the gospel and the plan of salvation under these circumstances is something i will not ever forget. Because i can see it on their faces. And its like i can see their spirit recognize me and jump for joy inside them saying, 

Elder Bastian i knew you would come, You told me you would come. And ive been waiting for you.

Do we understand the magnitude of the Gospel in our lives? Surely not. There are people that agreed to come down to this earth knowing the odds, and knowing what circumstances they would be under, and i can see them begging heavenly father to keep pressing on them. They acknowledged that they would be stubborn and begged the father to continue sending them anything he could their way to turn them toward the gospel and the knowledge of him on this earth. So they can complete the goal of why theyre here in the first place. 

Oh the beautifulness of the gospel! Im so blessed to understand it just a little more everyday. I hope you all are true this week to what you came down here to do. That you not only make yourself proud but your father who is keeping his promise to you that he will do everything he needs to do to bring you back to him in the condition you need to he in. Be the clay in the potters hand! And also, read the sealed scriptures that the Lord has given to us 

I love you all

-eb

Pics

 

Veinte

 Week 20 is done!

It was a tough week, I've walked more this week than I ever have in my life haha. It was a down week and I'm getting used to being a missionary in the city. It's different than in the pueblos, as the people know what you're doing haha. Whenever we go to make a cold contact we get greeted with a winced gross smile as if we were selling the devils church. A smug look that conveys that they're not gonna fall for our nasty tricks! They're too smart! How ironic. 

So yeah a lot of walking and a lot of fallen through appointments. And our area is huge compared to my last one! So we are never without an excuse to just keep grinding. But I think we set up this next week pretty well and hopefully we can capitalize on some new contacts.

I've been filled with a blessed confidence lately. Like I know what I bring to the table as a missionary, I know I have the spirit and talk and act in accordance with the Lord, so it is quite comforting. Of course there is things to learn everyday, but I can now know more than before that where I go and wherever I am is divine. I've taken out the variable of questioning by being a disciple of the Lord and learning everyday. Just a cool thought. 

I have put a large focus and portion of my thoughts to transcending the natural man. And understanding this doctrinal principle and concept has helped me in a lot of ways of thinking. We have two leading forces within ourselves. Literally you could say shoulder angels. The fight between our eternal spirits and the natural man. Our spirits our Heavenly, they resided with our Heavenly father. They know why we're here, they know the plan of salvation, they chose to come to this earth no matter the circumstances. They accepted the challenge to fight with the natural man for all of our earthly existence! Even knowing they would be given the short hand, with the veil almost effectively cutting off its ability to rule within us and help our bodies to remember our purpose.

The natural man on the other hand is of the devil, and is an enemy to God. With our spirits beings our only beacons of light and remnants of our Heavenly home, we can realize that by deductive reasoning that anything that leads us away from light and doing all we can to return to the Father, is of the natural man. 

The coolest part is that we have our own conscience. We have the ability to choose who wins the fight in all of our everyday decisions. Sometimes, when we feel the spirit so strongly, our spirit transcends, and it has its few moments of glory in the sun. Where it is acknowledged and we remember and realize how important the work of God is. I'm sure we've all had these fleeting experiences where we've been so determined to keep having the spirit and to work hard and to give up all of our lusts,  and the next day we have to talk ourselves into going to church. And thus we see this dragged out slug match everyday of our lives. Who do you allow to win?

What made me further ponder about this was an experience from yesterday. The youth in our ward just got back from FSY and were given the pulpit this week to share their testimonies about their experiences and how much it meant to them. I saw 6 young adults go up and bear testimony with the spirit that this was the church of God. They all became emotional, telling us they had never had such feelings before. They had no idea the power of the holy Ghost and its profound affect we can allow it to have in our lives. As I watched them I saw their Orahs shine from them. Some of their rays almost brightened the whole room. I could see fire behind them and the Holy Ghost bearing physical testimony of their words. They had allowed their spirits to Transcend, and show to where i could see rays of Heavenly light beam from them, that was almost too bright for me to see anything other then their spirits.

As one of then sat back down in his chair, I watched him for a bit. He was crying, and I knew the spirit he was feeling. I remember a similar experience where I had left my efy when I was 14 years old, and I cried to my mom that I didn't want to leave, as I had had my first beautiful experience of my spirit transcending. I didn't want to go back to normal life. Our spirits are fighting inside of us. As I watched the young man I could almost feel the sorrow but also triumph of his spirit inside of him that had been neglected and forgotten and lost somewhere inside his intelligence. Knocking and sometimes pounding to be allowed some control in his life, and finally he was able to feel it. Sadly, the strong feeling will fade, and the adversary always counters the highest highs with the lowest lows. And as we settle back into reality our spirit becomes trapped again within our bodies. But does it have to?

So often I feel enclosed within myself! I feel the words of Alma where he exclaims,

O that I were an angel! and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! 

Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. 

 But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.

Sadly this is our trial as humans on this earth, and we ought to be content with the things the lord has allotted unto us, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to let our spirit guide us. That doesn't mean that we can't forsake the natural man and learn to control it and it's lusts. Our bodies are made of their own little intelligences. How is God God other than that the intelligences of the universe bend and conform to his will? Learning to control our bodies and your intelligences you have veen given rule over, and letting the spirit rule in our lives is our own first step to our Godly progression to perfection. 

I was conflicted as I thought about this all more and more, feeling down that I dont Transcend and don't live on this higher level. But as I thought it became clear to me that we have those experiences where we do Transcend, and our goal just needs to be to live and think in a manner that we Transcend and have those experiences as much as possible, and eventually in due time, the lord has promised us all the understanding and knowledge we can have if we so desire.

My emails are more of my thoughts than the experiences of my week, but oh well. Thank you for all your support and love, I hope you all can Crack the lining of which our minds are kept within. That the spirit might be able to lighten our darkened minds through the cracks. that we might all begin to learn a little bit more about our father in heaven and our purpose here.

-eb

19

Hola todos. A lot has changed in a week haha. We had transfers and I got shipped on out to the city. I live in southern merida now, it's a lot different then the pueblo life! It's kind of awesome, we've already been seeing success in this short half week I've been here. I got a new comp too. He's great, and he speaks English so that's a dub. If I had to complain about a single thing it's that he's too happy, and as a missionary that is not a bad trait to have.

Random things:

- my last day in cansahcab was eating a straight up tongue. From what animal I do not know. He cut it out, boiled it, ate it like a tootsie roll.

- at times here it will be like 105 degrees and the sun is beating down on us, then it'll just start pouring rain. Without a cloud in the sky, it's still just as sunny. At first thought you might think this is awesome or any sort of relief from the heat but NO. the humidity just literally turns to 100 percent and you just get soaked. And you can't tell if you've soaked through your shirt because of the pouring sweat or the hot water pouring on you. It is actually torture haha! I'm convinced hell is not a lake of fire and brimstone, but sunny, 100 percent humidity, and hot rain.

- there is this gal here that I had a cool experience with. Apparently before I got here, the missionaries came to her house and she recognized them. She said elders!! And starts crying. The missionaries, confused, asked her what was wrong. She replies, "I'm a member, and I just remembered. Teach my kids please." She had been baptized 18 years before when she was almost still a kid. Then life happened, and actually forgot of the whole experience. Seeing the elders brought back a flood of memories and she wanted them to baptize her kids. Her 12 year old boy just got baptized and got the aaronic priesthood and passes the sacrament, and they come to church every Sunday now. I met her this Saturday and introduced myself and told her I was from Idaho. She had another overcome of emotions of joy, she told me the missionary who baptized her was from Idaho. Since her kid got baptized she had found pictures of her baptism and showed them to us, and pointed to the young Idaho boy all in white. Who is now probably in his 40s, who has his own little Idaho boy, completely unaware of the lives he's still changing and the gratitude for his selfless service almost 20 years before. The spirit was so strong.

- there was one other white person who came here with me to Merida from the CCM haha! Her name is hermana Merrill and we've become good friends going through the same kind of experiences and teaching in a place and language completely foreign to us. I saw her at transfers and we could actually talk in complete Spanish to eachother for the first time, when other times we had tested it did not go so good. 

She also asked me if I had ever had those experiences when I teach and just can't find the words, when other times we can talk perfectly. That happens to me everyday. And she said she was thinking, and realized that when we have those moments where we can hardly speak and it has to be so simple, it's because those people needed to hear it how only we would put it. She said God is using us and our ability, or more the lack thereof, to use us for specific people. And to other people he heightens our ability. She said if God wanted us to be perfect we'd already be perfect, but he's using us exactly how the people need. So much faith! And that's a view of thinking I hadn't thought of before. He's helping all of us, in so specific of ways that most of the time we don't see it. But we need to. Are you going through a trial right now that might be to help someone else? God doesn't give us trials we can't handle, maybe you have yours because you could handle it, and there is a person who is going through the same thing and they need your help. And that's why you had it first. Or a million other things, a true godly characteristic is to think of others before yourself, especially in your trials. I can testify of the blessings that will come.

With regards to my email last week, I am doing much better haha, the highest highs just come with the lowest lows. I hope it was clear that I DONT say those things to their faces. And those thoughts and pains are mine in seclusion. And that is why I was hurting is because I can't make them understand and it's their decision. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the one. And debating about the truth of that is a waste of time. We can have questions of why things are the way they are, and seek those answers. But whatever the answer is it doesn't change the fact this is God's church. And if you are debating that, I have no problem telling you you are wasting your time. There are so many better things to be worried about and to have questions to worry about than the one thing we know to be true that is non negotiable. If we can be humble enough to accept that in its entirety, and always lean back on the knowledge that this is God's church, you will see everything is for a reason.

God can't agree with us on every single thing. There are things we simply cannot understand and comprehend now. To question him and to think you might know a better way is to deny his godliness. 

For if God is a socially conscious political being whose views invariably correspond to our own prejudices on every essential point of Doctrine, he demands of us no more then our politics require. Besides, if God is finite, progressive, and Pure Love, we may was well skip church next Sundayto go to the movies. For if we have nothing to fear from this all-loving, all-forbearing, all-forgiving God, how would our worship of him constitute more than self congratulation for our own moral standards? Its like saying, I like this God. It is good to see him every morning while I'm shaving. 

That doesn't mean don't have questions, ask them and go look for them. If you doubt the church and you haven't read the Book of Mormon in its entirety I can't take you seriously and your foundation is built on the play sand of the natural man. If there is something you don't agree with then what a better way to test your faith. But for those who turn away because their feelings are hurt or who didn't have the humbleness to know that God knows all and everything will work out, well the play sand might be where you'd like to be instead of the mansions in heaven. IF you don't eventually humble yourself. We all have ups and downs and turning aways to humble us before God. We're not perfect. And thats not what he expects us to be. We cant grow our faith without it being tested and strenthened in the times it wasnt where it should have been. But when the truth is presented in front of us and then we deny it, it is well documented in the scriptures what will happen to you. Does he not promise us that we will soon know all? There's a reason why enduring to the end is a principle of the gospel. 

CS Lewis said, " little people like you and me, if our prayers are sometimes granted, beyond all hope and probability, had better not draw hasty conclusions to our own advantage. If we were stronger, we might be less tenderly treated. If we were braver, we might be sent, with far less help, to defend far more desperate posts in the great battle" 

What a reality check. We shouldn't be afraid to increase or to have trials because it's a token of our faith and what we can handle. You are going what you're going through because God knows you're strong enough to handle it and because your faith can take it. It's whether or not you choose to let your faith or the natural man control your relationship with your own father.

As always, I have more to say but I shall be courteous and keep it for next week haha. I love you all, please be humble and talk with the lord on what you need to do, and keep trying and fighting for that relationship. Fast and pray, test his love with your willingness to find answers! I can promise you like He does, that you might be quite surprised. 

-Elder b

Goodbye Cansahcab ❤️

Week Eighteen

 Hello everyone! This week I've felt the most accomplished and the most defeated at this work than I have before.

So many beautiful experiences that brought me to tears that seemed to immediately be counteracted by a frustrating experience. Its safe to say im quite exhausted after this week. But in the week I did learn a valuable lesson, about the importance of being humble before the Lord and what that truly means. It means quite literally that we do everything we can for him and expect nothing in return. Having faith is knowing we will be rewarded with what he deems best. To want a certain blessing or feel like you should be deserved a certain blessing only distances you from the Lord. We need to become humble. The Lord has it well documented in the scriptures what we need to do to have his spirit, and the Lord is bound when we do what he asks of us. So if were doing "everything we can" and still feel like we deserve more, or we arent feeling the spirit, we need to look at ourselves and find out whats wrong because he is never the problem. This means we need to be humble in seeing how we need to grow and being patient with how the Lord reveals that unto us.

This was going to originally be the focal point of my email but will just be a side note as I continue to rant about saving souls and the absolute idiotic stubborness of man. The gospel is so simple. It really is. It is for everyone. The deepest doctrine scholar and the child. Thats another testament that this is the Lords gospel. Because he wants everyone to have it and they can if they so choose. I talk with so many people a day who just cant see outside of themselves. Cant see all that they can have. Overcomplicate simple principles and have all of these questions that would be answered with the SLIGHTEST speck of faith. Here I am trying to plead my case to these people and beg them to give us 10 minutes to hear about their Lord and savior. A message that he wants to share with them, and I cant get in the door. And if i do there is little to no headway with most of these people. Im the closest i can be to getting on my knees in front of them. Asking please please hear what I have to say it will change your life i promise. There is no faith. There is no hope. There is nothing.

And in the meanwhile we have been so blessed to find two little kids that are 8 and 9 years old. They come to our spanish class every week. We've gotten really close with them and taught them a lesson about their father in heaven. We've taught them how to pray and they do it. We ask them to come to activities and they do it. In our lesson I asked the little boy, what is the your favorite thing in the world! Most important thing to you. I was expecting toys or family or any answer I could tie into an anology about how his father in heaven loves him. He sat and pondered for a second, and then I saw it hit him. He smiles and looks at us and says.

"My heavenly father is the most important thing to me in my life"

Where could any of us go wrong with such faith. And such innocent love. These little CHILDREN get it. They can feel the spirit. They can see the brautiful simplicity of Gods love for them. Its only logical no? You would think so.

Meanwhile we're teaching a member in the ward who has all these questions about the church. Doesnt come anymore, hes exploring other churches. Doesnt buy the Joseph Smith or the book of mormon talk. His wife who is a stout member who loves the missionaries practically begged us to visit him. We came and sat down in their home and started teaching about the restoration. Why we have the book of mormon and its importance. He starts throwing out random verses in the bible to try and catch us off guard or to give us something we cant answer. I asked him, hermano have you ever even read the book of mormon? Or even the bible? He puts his hand out and wags the sides of his hand up and down. I was so disgusted. Who in their right mind can question the very basis of this church or have ANY question for that matter, and not turn to the divine sources we've been given. If you have a question, you should read the entire book of mormon looking for the answer. If you scoff at that do you really want to find an answer? Or are you just okay to sit in doubt? 

People will say its okay to have doubts, its okay to have doubts about the church. No its not. Do we not read to look unto Jesus in every thought? Doubt not fear not? Doubt NOT. Doubt your DOUBTS before you doubt the Lord your GOD. Its not that the church isnt true anymore, its that youre not true to the church. You really think you know better than the lord? Where is your faith! Turn to the lord in your questions! Seek answers! Dont you dare ever doubt the Lord because he has an answer for you if you care enough. 

His wife turns to us in the middle of our conflict and starts explaining how she feels. How she wants to go to the temple. How she wants the spirit and the priesthood in her home. She started sobbing talking about how she wants to be married for eternity. And her husband here wont even put his own thoughts aside enough to check with the Lord. Her plea for help and the things she deserves brought such anguish to my heart. How dare he, how dare ANY MAN. NOT BE WORTHY TO HOLD THE PRIESTHOOD. How dare any father not take his wife to the temple. How dare WE not do everything we can do to be close with God! Oh ye of little faith!! Read the book and you can feel the sorrow in the words of Mormon and Moroni, not even to mention the rest. PLEADING for us to even just have faith. Is that too much to ask? After all we've been given? 

I have people who hear our knocks at the door who jump and hide and send their kids out to tell us that theyre gone. I am here holding all the knowledge that anyone here would ever need to know to return to God, as a set apart disciple of Christ and youre hiding from me? Without the courage enough to just tell me no? And meanwhile we have two little children. Who came to church this sunday after our lesson about their heavenly father and his church. When i saw them walk in i was filled with so much joy and the spirit. Such faith in two little children. They are who will inhertit the kingdom of God. Our new convert gabriel is an amazing example of this. We go through all the lessons of the gospel again after someone is baptized. And to start his first lesson we asked him again, who is God to you?

He proceeds to bear the most beautiful testimony I have ever heard. He described the gospel and the words of God as, "la cosa mas dulce que hay"

"The sweetest thing there is." I again was overcome with the spirit to tears. So happy that someone gets it! Someone realizes! He is pained because his wife doesnt want to hear from us, shes catholic. But he so badly wants to offer her the honey of the gospel that he described and she wont take it.

 

I almost feel as though being a missionary is soley so we can feel a sliver about how our heavenly father and Jesus Christ feel. Like how Abraham was asked to sacrifice isaac, so some man would feel a sliver of the anguish of Heavenly father having to saccrifice his son. When they have done more than EVERYTHING they can do to save us. Given us everything in everyway that they can and there are still people who look away. Who push him out. If any of you, if any one knew, just the BASICS of this gospel, The principals and had a strong enough testimony in them, no one would ever fall away, no trial would ever be too hard. And its okay to not have perfect faith, none of us do. Just never pass up the chance to grow your faith. If for no other reason than to just make your own life easier! Read the book of mormon. Read of its truths and gain a testimony. Read it with an open mind an heart. 

My soul feels like its in anguish. I read Mormon's last words to his people that fell away, and feel a sliver of his true and deep sorrow. How could they forget? How could we forget? Imagine the sorrow of our Heavenly Father. My little pain here is enough to bring me to tears for these people. And look around at everyone on the street and want to shake them and make them understand, because how do they live day to day without the Lord being the focal point. How Do we do it? If the Lord is not the focal point of your day and your life how far are you really from the Lord? Study the words I promise they will bless you. Pray to be strengthened pray to grow. Pray to understand and grow in wisdom. Repent for all of your sins, they've already been paid for!! There is no excuse. ESPECIALLY for the members of this gospel. You are literally the Lords annointed, as the kings of israel of old. Youre the chosen people of the Lord. Share the gospel! We dont think we take the gospel for granted but we do. Even the members here I have to beg and beg to accompany us for one lesson. Step outside of yourself for the Lord.

Im sorry for the rant. I am just overcome right now. And want everyone to know and see things as the Lord does. And the closer i grow to him and step above i see how far we are from the Lord. And how far we ALL have to go. Read the Book of mormon. 

Thanks for all of your love and supporting me! 

-eb