Week 20 is done!
It was a tough week, I've walked more this week than I ever have in my life haha. It was a down week and I'm getting used to being a missionary in the city. It's different than in the pueblos, as the people know what you're doing haha. Whenever we go to make a cold contact we get greeted with a winced gross smile as if we were selling the devils church. A smug look that conveys that they're not gonna fall for our nasty tricks! They're too smart! How ironic.
So yeah a lot of walking and a lot of fallen through appointments. And our area is huge compared to my last one! So we are never without an excuse to just keep grinding. But I think we set up this next week pretty well and hopefully we can capitalize on some new contacts.
I've been filled with a blessed confidence lately. Like I know what I bring to the table as a missionary, I know I have the spirit and talk and act in accordance with the Lord, so it is quite comforting. Of course there is things to learn everyday, but I can now know more than before that where I go and wherever I am is divine. I've taken out the variable of questioning by being a disciple of the Lord and learning everyday. Just a cool thought.
I have put a large focus and portion of my thoughts to transcending the natural man. And understanding this doctrinal principle and concept has helped me in a lot of ways of thinking. We have two leading forces within ourselves. Literally you could say shoulder angels. The fight between our eternal spirits and the natural man. Our spirits our Heavenly, they resided with our Heavenly father. They know why we're here, they know the plan of salvation, they chose to come to this earth no matter the circumstances. They accepted the challenge to fight with the natural man for all of our earthly existence! Even knowing they would be given the short hand, with the veil almost effectively cutting off its ability to rule within us and help our bodies to remember our purpose.
The natural man on the other hand is of the devil, and is an enemy to God. With our spirits beings our only beacons of light and remnants of our Heavenly home, we can realize that by deductive reasoning that anything that leads us away from light and doing all we can to return to the Father, is of the natural man.
The coolest part is that we have our own conscience. We have the ability to choose who wins the fight in all of our everyday decisions. Sometimes, when we feel the spirit so strongly, our spirit transcends, and it has its few moments of glory in the sun. Where it is acknowledged and we remember and realize how important the work of God is. I'm sure we've all had these fleeting experiences where we've been so determined to keep having the spirit and to work hard and to give up all of our lusts, and the next day we have to talk ourselves into going to church. And thus we see this dragged out slug match everyday of our lives. Who do you allow to win?
What made me further ponder about this was an experience from yesterday. The youth in our ward just got back from FSY and were given the pulpit this week to share their testimonies about their experiences and how much it meant to them. I saw 6 young adults go up and bear testimony with the spirit that this was the church of God. They all became emotional, telling us they had never had such feelings before. They had no idea the power of the holy Ghost and its profound affect we can allow it to have in our lives. As I watched them I saw their Orahs shine from them. Some of their rays almost brightened the whole room. I could see fire behind them and the Holy Ghost bearing physical testimony of their words. They had allowed their spirits to Transcend, and show to where i could see rays of Heavenly light beam from them, that was almost too bright for me to see anything other then their spirits.
As one of then sat back down in his chair, I watched him for a bit. He was crying, and I knew the spirit he was feeling. I remember a similar experience where I had left my efy when I was 14 years old, and I cried to my mom that I didn't want to leave, as I had had my first beautiful experience of my spirit transcending. I didn't want to go back to normal life. Our spirits are fighting inside of us. As I watched the young man I could almost feel the sorrow but also triumph of his spirit inside of him that had been neglected and forgotten and lost somewhere inside his intelligence. Knocking and sometimes pounding to be allowed some control in his life, and finally he was able to feel it. Sadly, the strong feeling will fade, and the adversary always counters the highest highs with the lowest lows. And as we settle back into reality our spirit becomes trapped again within our bodies. But does it have to?
So often I feel enclosed within myself! I feel the words of Alma where he exclaims,
O that I were an angel! and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.
But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.
Sadly this is our trial as humans on this earth, and we ought to be content with the things the lord has allotted unto us, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to let our spirit guide us. That doesn't mean that we can't forsake the natural man and learn to control it and it's lusts. Our bodies are made of their own little intelligences. How is God God other than that the intelligences of the universe bend and conform to his will? Learning to control our bodies and your intelligences you have veen given rule over, and letting the spirit rule in our lives is our own first step to our Godly progression to perfection.
I was conflicted as I thought about this all more and more, feeling down that I dont Transcend and don't live on this higher level. But as I thought it became clear to me that we have those experiences where we do Transcend, and our goal just needs to be to live and think in a manner that we Transcend and have those experiences as much as possible, and eventually in due time, the lord has promised us all the understanding and knowledge we can have if we so desire.
My emails are more of my thoughts than the experiences of my week, but oh well. Thank you for all your support and love, I hope you all can Crack the lining of which our minds are kept within. That the spirit might be able to lighten our darkened minds through the cracks. that we might all begin to learn a little bit more about our father in heaven and our purpose here.
-eb
