22 weeks

Helloooo everyone, sorry last week got packed! I put too much thought into my emails so I couldnt just bring myself to send one in the last 30 minutes of the day. Especially since there has been so much that has happened!

Recap:

We had an investigator get baptized, and soon after be hospitalized and die before we could give him the gift of the holy ghost. We were devastated, we but it has turned out to be a beautiful blessing in disguise. His wife and 3 kids have started to come to church and were going to ask them to baptism this week. Though it has been so hard for them they have been so strong, and my testimony on the plan of salvation has increased so much, and as a result of a million deep questions about the spirit world I have been blessed to take the time to do an extensive study and learn so much. How beautiful is the grace of God! That everyone gets a chance to hear the gospel. The spirit world is an extension of our second estate here. The work is far from done, and it wont be until the second coming. A true understanding of this doctrine would save any tear over a lost one. And now his wife and kids are going to be able to go to the temple to finish his work. The Lord gave him just enough to be able to plant the seed for his family and give them a beautiful experience and save a whole family.

I am often taken aback by the Lord and his abundance if tender mercies and his love. The more I try to contemplate the complexity of it, and this life, the more frustrated i get haha! I can feel my darn head hitting the veil and i want so badly to just understand it all! I look at the large clouds and the sky and the moon and the stars, and then all the people hustling and bustling around and not knowing why they are here and i just cant grasp it haha! It has led to a lot of deep thoughts on why we are where we were, the life before and the significance of the blessing of the gospel in our lives. We cant comprehend it. The gospel is our only lifeline back to salvation and living in the presence of God for eternity, do we really understand that? Do we even comprehend we are speaking to an eternal loving being lightyears away from us before everytime we start to eat? Is God just this peaceful idea for you in your head or is he a person?

I read a few verses this week in my study of Isaiah this week and it was a song Israel sings for the Lord when he comes. They exclaim we waited for you we waited for you! We knew you would come! It touched my heart, and made me think if we are really waiting for the Lord? Or is he that figment of imagination we lean on when we need stabling. Or are we waiting for the day when he finally comes? Or are we even apprehensive for the day when he will come or what that means for us. If it is the latter then we simply do not understand the prophesies and promises given to us. I have realized that to really realize who God is, and the magnitude of why we are here and to reap the blessings, we need to read the dang scriptures! And hang on every word!

Now knowing the book of Isaiah like the back of my hand, it has almost been a curse haha! Because I speak to so many bible worshipers that dont read the bible that like to call me blasphemist haha! And i instinctively reach for my bible to stop them in their tracks and then i have to stop myself. Because i have learned the spirit does the teaching, not the logic. But it just pains me because there are so many unlearned proud people that i wish i could do something about it. I come up to them and i almost recognize them. Im like, do i know you? I think i've read about you before.

But it has truly helped me to appreciate the beloved holy ghost. We had two lessons this week, where it was quiet, the people listened, they had open minds and hearts, and us missionaries were finally able to use some of the power we hold in the Holy ghost! Explaining the restoration of the gospel and the plan of salvation under these circumstances is something i will not ever forget. Because i can see it on their faces. And its like i can see their spirit recognize me and jump for joy inside them saying, 

Elder Bastian i knew you would come, You told me you would come. And ive been waiting for you.

Do we understand the magnitude of the Gospel in our lives? Surely not. There are people that agreed to come down to this earth knowing the odds, and knowing what circumstances they would be under, and i can see them begging heavenly father to keep pressing on them. They acknowledged that they would be stubborn and begged the father to continue sending them anything he could their way to turn them toward the gospel and the knowledge of him on this earth. So they can complete the goal of why theyre here in the first place. 

Oh the beautifulness of the gospel! Im so blessed to understand it just a little more everyday. I hope you all are true this week to what you came down here to do. That you not only make yourself proud but your father who is keeping his promise to you that he will do everything he needs to do to bring you back to him in the condition you need to he in. Be the clay in the potters hand! And also, read the sealed scriptures that the Lord has given to us 

I love you all

-eb

Pics

 

Veinte

 Week 20 is done!

It was a tough week, I've walked more this week than I ever have in my life haha. It was a down week and I'm getting used to being a missionary in the city. It's different than in the pueblos, as the people know what you're doing haha. Whenever we go to make a cold contact we get greeted with a winced gross smile as if we were selling the devils church. A smug look that conveys that they're not gonna fall for our nasty tricks! They're too smart! How ironic. 

So yeah a lot of walking and a lot of fallen through appointments. And our area is huge compared to my last one! So we are never without an excuse to just keep grinding. But I think we set up this next week pretty well and hopefully we can capitalize on some new contacts.

I've been filled with a blessed confidence lately. Like I know what I bring to the table as a missionary, I know I have the spirit and talk and act in accordance with the Lord, so it is quite comforting. Of course there is things to learn everyday, but I can now know more than before that where I go and wherever I am is divine. I've taken out the variable of questioning by being a disciple of the Lord and learning everyday. Just a cool thought. 

I have put a large focus and portion of my thoughts to transcending the natural man. And understanding this doctrinal principle and concept has helped me in a lot of ways of thinking. We have two leading forces within ourselves. Literally you could say shoulder angels. The fight between our eternal spirits and the natural man. Our spirits our Heavenly, they resided with our Heavenly father. They know why we're here, they know the plan of salvation, they chose to come to this earth no matter the circumstances. They accepted the challenge to fight with the natural man for all of our earthly existence! Even knowing they would be given the short hand, with the veil almost effectively cutting off its ability to rule within us and help our bodies to remember our purpose.

The natural man on the other hand is of the devil, and is an enemy to God. With our spirits beings our only beacons of light and remnants of our Heavenly home, we can realize that by deductive reasoning that anything that leads us away from light and doing all we can to return to the Father, is of the natural man. 

The coolest part is that we have our own conscience. We have the ability to choose who wins the fight in all of our everyday decisions. Sometimes, when we feel the spirit so strongly, our spirit transcends, and it has its few moments of glory in the sun. Where it is acknowledged and we remember and realize how important the work of God is. I'm sure we've all had these fleeting experiences where we've been so determined to keep having the spirit and to work hard and to give up all of our lusts,  and the next day we have to talk ourselves into going to church. And thus we see this dragged out slug match everyday of our lives. Who do you allow to win?

What made me further ponder about this was an experience from yesterday. The youth in our ward just got back from FSY and were given the pulpit this week to share their testimonies about their experiences and how much it meant to them. I saw 6 young adults go up and bear testimony with the spirit that this was the church of God. They all became emotional, telling us they had never had such feelings before. They had no idea the power of the holy Ghost and its profound affect we can allow it to have in our lives. As I watched them I saw their Orahs shine from them. Some of their rays almost brightened the whole room. I could see fire behind them and the Holy Ghost bearing physical testimony of their words. They had allowed their spirits to Transcend, and show to where i could see rays of Heavenly light beam from them, that was almost too bright for me to see anything other then their spirits.

As one of then sat back down in his chair, I watched him for a bit. He was crying, and I knew the spirit he was feeling. I remember a similar experience where I had left my efy when I was 14 years old, and I cried to my mom that I didn't want to leave, as I had had my first beautiful experience of my spirit transcending. I didn't want to go back to normal life. Our spirits are fighting inside of us. As I watched the young man I could almost feel the sorrow but also triumph of his spirit inside of him that had been neglected and forgotten and lost somewhere inside his intelligence. Knocking and sometimes pounding to be allowed some control in his life, and finally he was able to feel it. Sadly, the strong feeling will fade, and the adversary always counters the highest highs with the lowest lows. And as we settle back into reality our spirit becomes trapped again within our bodies. But does it have to?

So often I feel enclosed within myself! I feel the words of Alma where he exclaims,

O that I were an angel! and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! 

Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. 

 But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.

Sadly this is our trial as humans on this earth, and we ought to be content with the things the lord has allotted unto us, but that doesn't mean we can't choose to let our spirit guide us. That doesn't mean that we can't forsake the natural man and learn to control it and it's lusts. Our bodies are made of their own little intelligences. How is God God other than that the intelligences of the universe bend and conform to his will? Learning to control our bodies and your intelligences you have veen given rule over, and letting the spirit rule in our lives is our own first step to our Godly progression to perfection. 

I was conflicted as I thought about this all more and more, feeling down that I dont Transcend and don't live on this higher level. But as I thought it became clear to me that we have those experiences where we do Transcend, and our goal just needs to be to live and think in a manner that we Transcend and have those experiences as much as possible, and eventually in due time, the lord has promised us all the understanding and knowledge we can have if we so desire.

My emails are more of my thoughts than the experiences of my week, but oh well. Thank you for all your support and love, I hope you all can Crack the lining of which our minds are kept within. That the spirit might be able to lighten our darkened minds through the cracks. that we might all begin to learn a little bit more about our father in heaven and our purpose here.

-eb

19

Hola todos. A lot has changed in a week haha. We had transfers and I got shipped on out to the city. I live in southern merida now, it's a lot different then the pueblo life! It's kind of awesome, we've already been seeing success in this short half week I've been here. I got a new comp too. He's great, and he speaks English so that's a dub. If I had to complain about a single thing it's that he's too happy, and as a missionary that is not a bad trait to have.

Random things:

- my last day in cansahcab was eating a straight up tongue. From what animal I do not know. He cut it out, boiled it, ate it like a tootsie roll.

- at times here it will be like 105 degrees and the sun is beating down on us, then it'll just start pouring rain. Without a cloud in the sky, it's still just as sunny. At first thought you might think this is awesome or any sort of relief from the heat but NO. the humidity just literally turns to 100 percent and you just get soaked. And you can't tell if you've soaked through your shirt because of the pouring sweat or the hot water pouring on you. It is actually torture haha! I'm convinced hell is not a lake of fire and brimstone, but sunny, 100 percent humidity, and hot rain.

- there is this gal here that I had a cool experience with. Apparently before I got here, the missionaries came to her house and she recognized them. She said elders!! And starts crying. The missionaries, confused, asked her what was wrong. She replies, "I'm a member, and I just remembered. Teach my kids please." She had been baptized 18 years before when she was almost still a kid. Then life happened, and actually forgot of the whole experience. Seeing the elders brought back a flood of memories and she wanted them to baptize her kids. Her 12 year old boy just got baptized and got the aaronic priesthood and passes the sacrament, and they come to church every Sunday now. I met her this Saturday and introduced myself and told her I was from Idaho. She had another overcome of emotions of joy, she told me the missionary who baptized her was from Idaho. Since her kid got baptized she had found pictures of her baptism and showed them to us, and pointed to the young Idaho boy all in white. Who is now probably in his 40s, who has his own little Idaho boy, completely unaware of the lives he's still changing and the gratitude for his selfless service almost 20 years before. The spirit was so strong.

- there was one other white person who came here with me to Merida from the CCM haha! Her name is hermana Merrill and we've become good friends going through the same kind of experiences and teaching in a place and language completely foreign to us. I saw her at transfers and we could actually talk in complete Spanish to eachother for the first time, when other times we had tested it did not go so good. 

She also asked me if I had ever had those experiences when I teach and just can't find the words, when other times we can talk perfectly. That happens to me everyday. And she said she was thinking, and realized that when we have those moments where we can hardly speak and it has to be so simple, it's because those people needed to hear it how only we would put it. She said God is using us and our ability, or more the lack thereof, to use us for specific people. And to other people he heightens our ability. She said if God wanted us to be perfect we'd already be perfect, but he's using us exactly how the people need. So much faith! And that's a view of thinking I hadn't thought of before. He's helping all of us, in so specific of ways that most of the time we don't see it. But we need to. Are you going through a trial right now that might be to help someone else? God doesn't give us trials we can't handle, maybe you have yours because you could handle it, and there is a person who is going through the same thing and they need your help. And that's why you had it first. Or a million other things, a true godly characteristic is to think of others before yourself, especially in your trials. I can testify of the blessings that will come.

With regards to my email last week, I am doing much better haha, the highest highs just come with the lowest lows. I hope it was clear that I DONT say those things to their faces. And those thoughts and pains are mine in seclusion. And that is why I was hurting is because I can't make them understand and it's their decision. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the one. And debating about the truth of that is a waste of time. We can have questions of why things are the way they are, and seek those answers. But whatever the answer is it doesn't change the fact this is God's church. And if you are debating that, I have no problem telling you you are wasting your time. There are so many better things to be worried about and to have questions to worry about than the one thing we know to be true that is non negotiable. If we can be humble enough to accept that in its entirety, and always lean back on the knowledge that this is God's church, you will see everything is for a reason.

God can't agree with us on every single thing. There are things we simply cannot understand and comprehend now. To question him and to think you might know a better way is to deny his godliness. 

For if God is a socially conscious political being whose views invariably correspond to our own prejudices on every essential point of Doctrine, he demands of us no more then our politics require. Besides, if God is finite, progressive, and Pure Love, we may was well skip church next Sundayto go to the movies. For if we have nothing to fear from this all-loving, all-forbearing, all-forgiving God, how would our worship of him constitute more than self congratulation for our own moral standards? Its like saying, I like this God. It is good to see him every morning while I'm shaving. 

That doesn't mean don't have questions, ask them and go look for them. If you doubt the church and you haven't read the Book of Mormon in its entirety I can't take you seriously and your foundation is built on the play sand of the natural man. If there is something you don't agree with then what a better way to test your faith. But for those who turn away because their feelings are hurt or who didn't have the humbleness to know that God knows all and everything will work out, well the play sand might be where you'd like to be instead of the mansions in heaven. IF you don't eventually humble yourself. We all have ups and downs and turning aways to humble us before God. We're not perfect. And thats not what he expects us to be. We cant grow our faith without it being tested and strenthened in the times it wasnt where it should have been. But when the truth is presented in front of us and then we deny it, it is well documented in the scriptures what will happen to you. Does he not promise us that we will soon know all? There's a reason why enduring to the end is a principle of the gospel. 

CS Lewis said, " little people like you and me, if our prayers are sometimes granted, beyond all hope and probability, had better not draw hasty conclusions to our own advantage. If we were stronger, we might be less tenderly treated. If we were braver, we might be sent, with far less help, to defend far more desperate posts in the great battle" 

What a reality check. We shouldn't be afraid to increase or to have trials because it's a token of our faith and what we can handle. You are going what you're going through because God knows you're strong enough to handle it and because your faith can take it. It's whether or not you choose to let your faith or the natural man control your relationship with your own father.

As always, I have more to say but I shall be courteous and keep it for next week haha. I love you all, please be humble and talk with the lord on what you need to do, and keep trying and fighting for that relationship. Fast and pray, test his love with your willingness to find answers! I can promise you like He does, that you might be quite surprised. 

-Elder b

Goodbye Cansahcab ❤️